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{The camera opens up on a black screen with the words "DATELINE" being typed out in white letters. Just as you would hope to expect your 'favorite' news station to begin, the word "DATELINE" is crossed out by spray paint & is painted over with the words "DATING LINE". Some much more lively music hits the audio in the TV & a Dan Rather sounding voice speaks.}
Voice 1:
The following has been filmed & recorded in front of a live audience.
Voice 2:
Welcome to DATING LINE, the hottest show since the American Idol hick filled rip off "Country Superstar". Now, here's your hostesses, the lovely & talented duo of Crystal & Krysta!!!
{The camera cuts to some scenes of various explosions & famous people in Hollywood & the wrestling ring. The cameras then cut to the studio & goes to the newsroom where Crystal & Krysta are sitting quaintly perhind a VERY stylish looking desk with the Dating Line Logo on the front of it. The set is set up with two huge screens behind Crystal & Krysta, an entrance, in a sort of replication of the Divas Unleashed Exile stage, and other Divas Unleashed memorobilia decorating the wall. Krysta clears her voice & speaks into the camera.}
Krysta Taylor:
Welcome Ladies & Gentlemen to the special live broadcasting of a debuting network show, Dating Line!
Crystal:
Since it is our debuting, and official episode of Dating Line, we had to be sure this show is everything you fans out there want it to be. So of course there is gonna be alot of me. Who doesn't want that? Right Krysta?
Krysta Taylor:
Umm.. yes! Thats right. Tonight Crystal will be showing us her very own alcoholic knowledge, in her very own section on Dating Line, "Crystal Ball".
Crystal:
Speaking of seeing into Crystal Balls, that little girl who follows me around alot has her very own spot on the show.
Krysta:
Cleopatra?
Crystal:
Umm... yea her.
Krysta:
O god, you aren't drunk again are you?
Crystal:
WHAT! GIN! WHERE!?!
Krysta:
....I think we are gonna go to commercial.
Crystal:
Aw, no you don't sweetie. I had to prepare for my segment tonight! So I was testing all the drinks, and after a few hours....I felt the way I always feel. Isn't that wierd?
Krysta:
*Ah-hem* Well Crystal, do you want to introduce the first segment of the show?
Crystal:
No... not really. You go ahead, I need to help that woman over there with the ponytail.
Krysta:
What do you need to help her with?
Crystal:
Hello.... she has a ponytail! She is obviously in need of help. Be right back.
Krysta:
Aie... roll the wedding segment.
{The camera cuts to a white dreamy cloud scene,with wedding bells ringing, and the Divas Unleashed logo being written in ribbons by doves flying across the screen. The logo disappears and the words "Diva Weddings" come onto the screen in ribbons, before the camera flashes pictures of wedding chapels, alters, roses, hearts and other various wedding accessories. The camera finally lands on Katrina & Shane Helms standing together at an awards show, while camera's flash across their faces. We hear Katrina's voice come over the various pictures of them together.}
Katrina:
Shane & I have been together for nearly a year. We are so deeply in love, and we plan on getting married in late October or early November.
{"Freaking Out" by Adema begins playing and shots are shown of Katrina walking out to the ring, and her various stints in Divas Unleashed are shown. A pose of her on the beach, her dancing on a poker table, leaping off the turnbuckle to hit The Kat's Eye, and various other memorable scenes.}
Katrina:
It's so important to find the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, because once you find them, your heart races, and your on cloud nine everyday.
{The camera suddenly cuts to "Real Things" by Javine begin playing and various shots are shown of Tara Lee and her Good Charlotte Bassist fiancee Billy Martin are shown together in various shots. Tara's in ring moves are shown for a little and other shots and videos of her play as she begins talking.}
Tara Lee:
Well, Billy and I still don't know just when we are getting married, but TRUST me it will be soon. Isn't he so cute?!? I can't wait for the wedding night. I have everything planned out already. From the location, to the hotel, to the kind of roses spread across the bed. I'm not wanting this or anything.... heh heh heh.
{The scene ends with rice being thrown into the air as the cloud's that opened the segment close on the screen, and the camera eventually goes back to the table, where Krysta is sitting down, obviously distrought over something. She sits with her hands covering her face for a few moments before the director speaks up.}
Director:
Krysta... we're on.
{Krysta suddenly looks up, and tries to compose herself as she starts shuffling through the papers on the table.}
Krysta Taylor
Uhh.... it appears Crystal has gone off to somewhere. So... let's cut to another segment shall we? Ladies & Gentlemen, recently hired from the Austin Powers Gold Member movie, and the newest reporters here at Divas Unleashed... the Fook Twins! Who we sent to the Mtv VMA Awards red carpet!
{The camera focuses on Fook Mi and Yu smiling in their school girl outfits with the blue highlighted hair to boot. They smile at the camera then look around, then do the same thing about three times before Fook Yu realises she has to speak}
Fook Yu: We here at MTV Video Music Award and we on the red carpet to interview stars, I Fook Yu and we go to meet the stars yeah?
{Camera then fades to Fook Mi standing next to Pamela Anderson and Fook Mi is playing with her boobs, pushing them upwards as Pamela looks a little puzzled}
Fook Mi: Me standing next to Pamela Anderson and Pam, I big fan of you on screen.
Pamela Anderson: Oh you mean Stripperella?
Fook Mi: No...that one when you get all dirty on that boat. You know. Like dis...
{Fook Mi starts groping herself as Pamela gives her a dirty look while walking away but none the less Fook Mi continues with her hip thrusting. The camera then fades to Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra standing in a close coupled pose as Fook Yu smiles widely at the camera}
Fook Yu: Me here you two engaged to be married?
Carmen Electra: Yes, we're getting married in November.
Fook Yu: Now out of the guys Carmen has been with and that is a lot! I like me like Dave the best
Dave: Great....
Fook Yu: Now at the wedding you be wearing clothes?
Carmen: Erm, yeah?
Fook Yu:Oh!...nice meet you.
{Carmen drags Dave away as Fook Yu nods and smiles at the camera while we then cut to a pose of Justin Timberlake standing with Fook Mi}
Fook Mi: Me here with Justin Timberlake and we having real party...hehehe...now Justin me and sister are big fans so why you go on tour with someone who dirty?
Justin Timberlake: I like 'em dirty. You know, like how'd like to get into that shirt of yours.
Fook Mi: Teeheheeheehee... oh stop Mr. Timberlake...you make me blush...
Justin Timberlake: Yeah, what size is that?
{Fook Mi's face drops as Justin stands behind her looking at the label as we then focus on Fook Yu standing her Austin Power's co-star, Beyonce Knowles}
Fook Yu: Look look, it me old friend Beyonce from Austin Powers! You look stun, how you keep so horny?
Beyonce: (laughs) I don't know, I just seem to to.
Fook Yu: Oh look look it Jaime Pressly!
{Jaime Pressly comes into view smiling sheepishly}
Jaime Pressly: Hey, honey what's your name, you want an autograph?
Fook Yu: Fook Yu
Jaime: What?! Here Beyonce hold my bag...
{Jaime then punches Fook Yu as Fook Yu then starts breathing noises with flinging her arms around but Beyonce intervenes as Fook Mi rushes over}
Beyonce Knowles: No, no, no. Her name is Fook Mi
Jaime: Oooh...I see...
Fook Mi: Well, my name is Sally and her name is Kelly so this all completely unnecessary.
{The Fook Twins then pose for the cameras as we fade back to Crystal and Krysta. The camera comes back to the desk where Crystal & Krysta are now on the table. Crystal has a very calm composure as Krysta gives Crystal the eye.}
Crystal: Man, those Fook Twins should take some english lessons.
Krysta: Crystal, could you explain to me where you where before the break again? I didn't....
Crystal: WHAT! GIN! WHERE?!?
Krysta: ....catch it. What are you talking about Gin?
Crystal: I'm just playing Krysta! It's all for my segment. I'm trying to get it more noticed. Havn't you heard of hyping something. Jeez, your about as exciting as the Ice Capades.... and you don't even look good in tights.
Krysta: Argh... never the less, we go now to Cleopatra, who will be reading the fortune of none other than Divas Unleashed Star.... Star!
Crystal: We don't do that Krysta... Unleashed Star... Star. No. You say Unleashed DIVA, Star. How long have you been announcing?
Krysta: Close to three years.
Crystal: Three years and your still wearing get-ups like that? Shame..... never the less. Here's the Queen of the Nile, and Divas Unleashed own pyschic, Cleopatra... and the Glittering Goddess, and former Stripped Champion... Star!
{The camera changes to Cleopatra's Tarot room. With Egyptian Pillars, and black curtains around the room. Cleopatra sits on her large leather chair, with her Tarot table infront of her. Star is no where to be seen.}
Cleopatra: I bet most of you are wondering just where Star is at at the moment. She's not here. Besides, no one but myself is allowed in this chamber. Well, those servants come in here also, but only to benefit myself. Anyway, I have decided to perform a tarot reading for one lucky diva for Crystal's benefit. This week, I choose Star.
Why Star you may ask? As I have read her cards before, it seems something major is about to take place in her life, and it appears it is going ot happen ALOT sooner than later. Read the cards and begin your sympathies towards Star, as I am sure it will not be a pleasant surprise.
{Cleopatra sets a picture of Star on her table, and touches it. She then shuffles the cards, and draws out three, while silently chanting something in Arabic. Cleopatra stares at the three cards in delight.}
Cleopatra: Just as it had been done before. See this card?
{Cleopatra points to the first card drawn.}
Cleopatra: This card shows your past. It tells of a somewhat happy life. You where modest, yet you had accomplished much. Rather than becoming egotistical, you remained fairly grounded. Good for you Star. Now, as for your present.
{Cleopatra points to the middle card.}
Cleopatra: This shows that you are upset. Your love is in shambles. While trying to live free of the torment of relationships, you are suffering. Well Star, you will suffer for a little longer, but once your future card is revealed, you will realise why you won't be suffering much longer.
{Cleo points to the final card.}
Cleopatra: This card means more that the other two combined. Why? You see, this card means new life. It can be translated into many different things. Either you are going to undergo a complete change and start a new life, or perhaps... make a new life. O Star, don't worry... you'll see this very soon. Until next time, or until you pay more, this has been, Miss Cleo.
{The scene cuts back to the Dating Line Set.}
Crystal: Ahh... don't you just love Cleopatra's outfit?
Krysta: It was cute.
Crystal: Wish I could say the same for you.
Krysta: Anyway, coming up next on our show is Tara Lee. We saw her earlier in the wedding segment, but now we bring her out to the studio to ask her questions about before her marrige. Here she is seated next to us.
Crystal: Tara, welcome to the show
{Tara is seen in a third chair as the camera expands to a full view of the set.}
Tara Lee: Thank you for having me
Crystal: Okay honey, we all know that you have been around. I mean hell... I have been doing shows with you since GWF and I think we're gonna need more than a half hour to get through......
Krysta: What Crystal is trying to say is, where do we start off? Tell us about your first relationship.
Crystal: If you can remember that far back
Tara Lee: Well it was years ago, but it was in 7th grade with a guy called Todi Markson.
Crystal: Dear god he has a name.
*Tara laughs*
Krysta: Umm... to not get into any legal issues, let's skip to when your career started, who where you with when you decided to break into the business?
Tara: Michael Jeffery was my first guy when I entered the business but it only lasted 1 week.
Crystal: Was he a ring announcer?
Tara Lee: No he was a wrestler but after i left him he went down hill.
Krysta: I was the ring announcer Crystal... I think you need to lay off the alcohol.
Crystal: I stopped before the break! He probly would have been a better ring announcer too!
Tara Lee: I think I need some.
Krysta: Anyways, Tara what would you say was the relationship you enjoyed most, and why
Crystal: She can't decide that! I mean, there is so many things to judge on. The look, the performance. Did they land on their feet after the dismount.......
Tara Lee: Well it had to be my relationship with Jake my ex husband.
Crystal: Did he really cut your bra strap off with a chainsaw?
Tara: yeah one time
Krysta: Is there any other reason you two split besides the obvious?
Tara Lee: No, Ive said before Tazmin came in to my life and i didn't think Jake wanted it.
Crystal: If cigarettes kill 5000 people a day, what would you say your health condition would be if men where cigarettes?
Tara: I would be 6ft under ground then
Crystal: That would hurt my feelings.
Krysta: Around how many men where you with that have been wreslters?
Tara Lee: Four. I've leart not to mix business and the bedroom.
Crystal: Amen Sista.
{Crystal looks around shocked and starts touching her face}
Crystal: Where the hell did that come from?
{Crystal starts grabbing face again}
Crystal: Did anyone just see me?
Krysta: *Ah-hem* What where the four wrestlers names?
Tara Lee: Jake EB Wild, Michael Jeffery, Paul Jet, Stevie headson
Krysta: Which of them where the "biggest".
Tara Lee: Jake of course.
Krysta: Who the hell put that in the script? CRYSTAL!
Tara: I dont mind answering that
Crystal: I'm curious damn it. They always wear speedos and tight fitting crap, you wonder if that has an affect on things.
Tara: I dont really look, some men are so small they put sock down there to get women
Crystal: This is why I agree with Tara on the don't mix business with pleasure statement. *looks around confused* Again? I think my buzz is wearing off, I'll be back *Crystal walks off set*
Tara: Well I didn't say pleasure, I just said stay out of the bed room.
Krysta: O god... excuse her. So, what was your longest relationship, aside from you & Jake?
Tara: Me and Billy Martin from Good Charlotte. He's one great guy.
Krysta: Speaking of Billy, do you really think he is the one for you? After all.. you did marry Jake also...
Tara: Billy cant beat Jake, And to be honest I aint ready to burn my love for Jake. Me and Billy are taking a break, so who know what will happen in a month or 2.
*Crystal walks back on set with a martini in hand.*
Crystal: Krysta... how big is your liver? I'm sure mine has shrunk incredibly and I need a replacement. We all know you won't be missed much as a ring announcer.... or a human. *looks at Tara* Why are you here?
Krysta: Well Tara, thanks for coming to the studio. Best of luck with you and Billy.*whispers* Go now, she is going to get violent if she is confused.
Tara Lee: Thank you
Crystal: Tara sweetie.... your in my feet's chair
Tara: Im off, see ya all Later
{As Tara walks off the set, Crystal sits in her chair, and uses Tara's chair as a foot rest. Krysta shakes her head and looks into the camera.}
Krysta: We are now going to cut to a promo for the Divas Unleashed first sound track... Glamour!
Crystal: Krysta, why is she called Pure Touch? She's a whore from WAY BACK!
{The camera cuts to "Did My Time" by KoRn, as the Cd cover appears on the TV screen. Bianca's voice is heard as various clips for the soundtrack play after she announces them, with various shots of the diva who's entrance she says.}
Bianca: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have all your favorite Diva's entrance theme at your disposal? Now you can. Introducing Glamour, the Divas Unleashed very first compact disk, featuring all your favorite entrances:
"Son Of a Gun" by Janet Jackson {Clips are shown of Tequila hitting the Tequila Sunrise}
and much, much, more! Record hits stores on September 5th, but you can order now through DivasUnleashed.com
{The promo ends and we cut back to Krysta Taylor & Crystal. The Dating Line set has changed to a bar, where Krysta Taylor is standing behind the bar in a bar maids outfit, and Crystal sits on a stool in front of the bar, drinking another martini.}
Krysta Taylor: Well Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now going to get into Crystal's favorite part of the show. What's it called again Crystal?
{Crystal seems to be preoccupied with stareing off the set. Krysta hesitates, then just breathes deeply before talking.}
Krysta: O, thats right, stupid me. It's called "Drinking with the Femme Fatale."
Crystal: No, it's called Crystal Ball.... and thats copyrighted.
{Crystal sits up a little and looks at Krysta.}
Crystal: What in the hell are you wearing?
Krysta: The barmaid outfit that you picked out for me to do the segment.
Crystal: Hah... well. Thats funny. I would never pick out anything that would make you look like you just came out of Holland! Please tell me you don't have on wooden shoes too.
{A loud clunk like wood on cement is heard as Krysta smiles.}
Crystal: Nevermind. Just... give that dress to your dog or something. The outfit I picked out would have been alot pricier and would have required two extra people to get it on your body.
Krysta: Are you saying I'm good enough to have my fashion fixed by you?
{Crystal thinks for a second.}
Crystal: No. O! Yea! Thats why I got that outfit!
Krysta: Uh-o. What do you mean?
Crystal: The boys in the studio wanted to put a camera in the back of the bar so they could sell it on the internet. I caught them doing it, so I decided I'd help.
Krysta: What?!?!?
Crystal: Ya honey, they've been staring at your good for the last ten minutes.
{Krysta starts looking around frantically behind the bar for a camera.}
Crystal: Whats it matter to you, you where a porn star. It's nothing everyone hasn't seen before.
{Krysta storms off the set as a comedic clicking of the wooden shoes is heard all the way backstage. Krysta is heard screaming in the back as Crystal sighs and drinks. Crystal then gets up and leans over the bar, grabbing a bottle of vodka and setting it on the bar.}
Crystal: Alright people. This is how it works. Prepare to show up all your drinking buddies with a drink that only after a few will leave them more incapacitated than Tara Lee on a Friday Night.
{Crystal reaches in her back pocket and sets a shot glass on the bar. She opens the vodka bottle, and pours it in the shot glass.}
Crystal: Ta-da. A shot of Vodka. Goodnight.
{Crystal quickly downs the shot as the camera cuts to the closing credits. As the credits roll, various scenes are shown behind them and it ends with the Divas Unleashed logo.}
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