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Sunday January 25th 2004
World War II was fought with machinery and bombers
World War III will be fought with atomic and nuclear weapons
But World IV will be fought with sticks and stones
The set has been designed in true pussy fashion. It consists of a huge grey cat’s head, with the eyes being the Divatrons, the nose being the dual entrance ways, and it’s laid out tongue being the mouth being illuminated by pink lighting. For the cat’s whiskers, stages have been erected at different heights and at different elevations.
“Pussy Power” by Iggy Pop begins to play and the man himself walks out from the entrance way as steam begins to flood the floor. He begins to sing the tune as the mist suddenly stops and he is surrounded by the unlucky black cat, but there’s not just one, there’s hundreds. He hypes up the fans and climbs in and out of the steps before he ends his performance to a cheering ovation.
The camera then infamously pans to the audience who have their signs locked and loaded for the skies, they push and shove but the successors are the signs such as “Mya’s A Psycho” “Katrina 2-1” “I want to get laid!” are just a few of the signs broadcasted to the world-wide audience.
We then cut to the announce table, where Renegade is sitting with a rather unfamiliar face perched next to him, in a very slutty outfit too. He looks happy at the amount of cleavage too.
Renegade: Ladies and gentlemen, I personally welcome you to the first pay per view of 2004, Nuclear Pussy coming at you live from the sold-out Astrodome in the heart of Houston! I’m Renegade, and tonight I have a very special and hot colleague.
Krysta Taylor: That’s right, I’ve been appointed by a special order by Tequila this evening and I am so excited to be here! Nuclear Pussy is set to blow the other shows out of the water, and it will be a mega-for-sure-hit to start off the new year!
Renegade: As long as you keep dropping your pen, we’ll get through the show with even more excitement! We’ve got an illustrious line up of matches scheduled for this evening, and the aftermath of the end of last year and the fresh has all bubbled and boiled up to tonight.
Krysta Taylor: The show is headlined tonight by the Unleashed Champion Crystal and her challenger Star collides and will add another chapter to their never-ending tale. But the question I want to know is, will it be the final chapter? Star has used her charm on the boss, and he’s promised her a position of power if she wins! Not only that! Shane will be in her corner too!
Renegade: It’s funny. Star’s purred her way into this match up. Plus with an ally like Mya, she’s unstoppable. I’ve put a very big bet on her walking out of her with the title around her waist Krysta, I bet you!
Krysta Taylor: Another bet I would place is that Mya is destined on revenge against Kaci Russell and they meet tonight inside a solid steel cage. Ironic, seeing as that was the same structure this rivalry started in. Though judging from Mya’s actions last week on Exile, she is just waiting to get her hands on the Pinnacle of Perfection.
Renegade: More than anything. Plus, Gabriel seems to be more interested in Kaci than he is in Mya! He did kiss her after all! Mya and Kaci have a lot of history, they were the first two people to fight for the Unleashed Championship in which Kaci won, and will she win tonight?
Krysta Taylor: Another match which has very high stakes is that of the new team of Sweet Temptation and fiancées Tara Lee and Yuku Shiro. Not only is the Tag Team Championships on the line, but the Stripped as well!
Renegade: I can not wait for that match I’m telling you, it’s a ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction’ match and the weapons? Sex toys! Bianca was recently denied a spot for the Unleashed Championship thanks to Yuku Shiro! This should be one bitter feud and I don’t think it’ll end tonight.
Krysta Taylor: Katrina tries to make history and earn her spot as the second woman into the Hall of Fame if she beats Valeria Sanchez in a ladder match tonight. On stake, the Rockford State Championship, the only title that Katrina needs, if she wins it, then she’s the first woman to hold every single title in Divas Unleashed!
Renegade: That would be quite the achievement. And from one ‘ment’ to another, the Shiro Cup Tournament climaxes tonight when Jolson and Mystika clash for the chance to get their hands on the cup, 25, 000 dollars and also a shot at the Stripped Championship!
Krysta Taylor: Especially since Mystika has just broken up with her long-time boyfriend, she’ll be wanting to unleash some aggression. One person who is constantly aggressive is the woman who has made a meteor impact on Divas Unleashed, Killer Kim.
Renegade: That’s right, Kim is such a force and Nyssa provoked her by smashing her over the head with the chair last week, but tonight they will face off for the number one contendership for the Rockford State Championship! I hope Nyssa’s got a pre-funeral agreement.
Krysta Taylor: What ever that is? But our first match of the evening is a gauntlet, was does the winner get? Well we don’t know because it’s a mystery prize gauntlet, what could it be?
Renegade: Not only that, we’re seeing the debut of two young hopefuls, but I am itching to know what the prize is! I’m sure Shane Rockford won’t be happy, this match was sanctioned by Tequila you know!
Krysta Taylor: I know, but from one buxom blonde to a larger one, Anna Nicole Smith will be on hand to award the Diva of the Month this evening. After her disastrous FWA presenting, let’s hope she’s okay.
Mystery Prize Gauntlet
John Roe: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a six-woman gauntlet with the winner being the last remaining contender in the ring. You can be eliminating by pin fall, submission or being throw over the top rope. A new participant will enter every four minutes.
Renegade: You know who ever is one is going to have such a disadvantage! How can see possibly survive six other women?
Krysta Taylor: We don’t even know who it is yet!
[“Trouble” by Pink plays as Athena strolls to the ring wearing an American flag bikini top, really short black shorts cut low to show her matching g-sting, high laced black boots, and a blue handkerchief wrapped around her head, sucking on a lollipop. She smiles and waves to the crowd. Athena climbs on the apron and dips low between the ropes smiling as the crowd mostly men cheer and whistle as she enters the ring. Athena walks around the ring waving to the fans.]
Renegade: I’ll eat my own words. How is anyone going to down the giant that is Athena?
[As the opening horn for "Powersurge" blares, the arena lights dim and upon the first "clapping" sequence about 12.5 seconds, a huge blast of purple and pink pyro goes off at the top of the entrance ramp. As the smoke from the explosion clears a figure can be seen standing in the smoke. As the horns resume at about 18 seconds, the figure comes out from the smoke and we see it is Laura. She runs down the ramp and slides under the bottom rope.]
Krysta Taylor: That is one our latest recruits, Laura, and she’s looking confident!
[Laura runs straight for Athena but the seven footer easily picks her off the floor and spins her around before planting her into the canvas in a powerslam. Athena then grabs her by the throat and lifts her off the floor and up into the air in a chokeslam, she points around to each side of the ring, she then runs towards the ropes but Laura uses her feet to propel off of them and take the huge woman down to the canvas with a spinning DDT.]
[Laura then stands on Athena’s throat, draining the air from her lungs but Athena is too strong as she pushes Laura away sending her to her butt half way across the ring. Athena gets to her feet and runs towards Laura but the debuting diva slides under the bottom rope. Athena then steps her foot away the top rope, and is about to use the other to step down but she realizes what she is doing and retracts back into the ring. Laura is annoyed at her ill-fated plot and decides to circle the ring intimidating the giant. The disadvantage being that it is giving Athena time to recover.]
Krysta Taylor: What is Laura doing? Get in the ring!
[Laura jumps onto the apron, and Athena approaches, Laura grabs her head and yanks it down into a guillotine but Athena manages to clutch her around the head and toss her inwards into the ring. Athena then drops a massive leg drop onto the throat of her foe, “You Give Love A Bad Name” by Bon Jovi plays across the PA system as the fans wonder who exactly is making their entrance. They recognize new employee Emerald O’Connor as she smiles to the fans, before walking to the ring watching the beating.]
[Emerald slides under the bottom rope, she then dashes at Athena and jumps onto her with a knee to the lower back, and locks in a sleeper hold to the head of Athena. Princess Power is quick to rise to her feet and tries to flee the Ireland-native but Laura soon double teams with Emerald as she kicks the legs trying to further bring Athena down to the ground. The giant manages to boot Laura in the face which sends her to the ropes, Athena then jumps backwards sandwiching Emerald into the ring canvas and with her heavy frame. Athena gets up.]
Renegade: Emerald’s aggressive! I like that in a woman! Athena is still not being held down, and it’s time for another entrant!
[“Mindfields” by Prodigy blasts over the sound system as the Mindless Illusions duo of Angel and Lei Yu walk to the ring, Lei Yu is dressed in a geisha outfit as she sends Angel sprinting to the ring. Angel slides under the bottom rope and exchanges glance with Emerald and Laura, the three nods and then begin to pummel Athena with boots as the Texan is now the victim of a three on one assault. Angel provides her fast paced Japanese style kicks to the head of Athena, who is being held up by either arm by her two match colleagues. Angel then spins around when Emerald drops her arm and nails a harsh clothesline to the un-expecting Angel sending her straight down to the canvas.]
Krysta Taylor: Angel just fell for the oldest trick in the book!
[Emerald then picks up Angel by scooping her up putting her over her shoulder and running towards the turnbuckle. Ramming Angel into the turnbuckle, and then tying her feet in a tree of woe, O’Connor extends her arm to Laura who then whips her to the direction of Angel and dropkicks her in the face making her head snap backwards. Emerald then gets up where she is met with a flying kick from Laura. The new diva then stands on Emerald’s hair; she bends forward and takes hold of the Irish lady’s feet. She leans backwards for Emerald’s body is bending backwards, with her hair and neck being extended. Emerald is about to tap about when the music of Miss Rhiannon plays to the crowd.]
[The diva struts out with a smirk on her face as she poses to the crowd, she crawls under the bottom rope and heads straight for the risen Angel. She grabs her by the hem of her pants and thrusts high to the ropes, Angel tries to grab on but she fails and tumbles to the floor. Lei Yu then rushes over and tries to roll her client back into the ring but the referee won’t have any of that illegal behavior.]
[Laura and Miss Rhiannon then exchange punches, with Rhiannon getting the upper hand being the fresh woman and whipping her into the corner. Rhiannon charges with a connecting clothesline which dizzily sends Laura forward, Rhiannon props herself up on the ropes as Laura turns Rhiannon leaps off with a Hurricanrana. Meanwhile, Athena has now recovered and emerged from the outside of the ring, she slides under the bottom rope. Emerald and Miss Rhiannon turn around to get grabbed around the throat. Athena thrusts them into the air, and then slams them back down into the canvas in a chokeslam from the seven footer, suddenly, from behind Aura Carcia-Lopez dropkicks her in the back off a springboard high risk, Athena is pushed forward as Laura pulls down the ropes allowing Athena to crash to the floor below.]
Renegade: Aura’s here! She’s just eliminated the biggest threat in this match-up, we’re down to four!
[Aura Carcia-Lopez then quickly gets to her feet, as does Laura. Aura runs at her opponent but Laura counters and throws her into the air, Aura manages to grab Laura’s head on the way down and bring it down into a face buster. Aura then poses for the fans as she scoops up Laura and props her on the top turnbuckle. Aura climbs to the top rope herself, and walks the length of it before she dives onto the shoulders of her foe, twisting and taking her down the floor below with a head scissors with Aura landing on the ring apron.]
[Aura is then ran at by Miss Rhiannon but Aura gets a roundhouse kick up to stop her from her alleged assault, Aura then grabs Miss Rhiannon and pulls her to the outside ring apron. Emerald has picked herself off the floor, she then bounces to the opposite ropes and runs towards the two-apron positioned divas, they counter O’Connor’s attack though as they both grab an arm and flip her over the top rope to the floor below. Aura Carcia-Lopez then kicks Miss Rhiannon making her double over, Aura then gets her in a butterfly powerbomb and ‘bombs her off the apron, making Aura the winner as she climbs back into the ring and runs to the top rope.]
John Roe: Here is your winner…AURA CARCIA-LOPEZ!!!
[“Son of a Gun” by Janet Jackson hits the PA system, Tequila walks out with her two bodyguards following. She struts to the ring with a briefcase in her hand, and avoids a mouthful from Lei Yu. She enters the ring as she comes face to face with Aura who is pondering what her prize may be.]
[Tequila bends over and lays down her briefcase, she undoes the ends and a gold piece of metal emerges, which is obviously a title of some sort as Aura’s eyes narrow. Tequila then turns and exits the ring leaving Aura with the belt, she doesn’t care what is it for anyway, and leaps to the top turnbuckle parading her new accessory.]
Renegade: Well, what does that mean? Is there a new title or something?
Krysta Taylor: I don’t know, are you sure Tequila even has that power?
Renegade: Aura won the mystery prize anyway, but in all fairness, she did kick some ass, she eliminated, well, almost everyone!
Krysta Taylor: And is the holder of a new piece of gold, I hope we find out more on Exile that’s for sure!
[We’re backstage and with Crystal, who has the Unleashed Championship proudly resting on a near by table and stares admiringly at it. Katrina, who’s stretching and breathing, and Kaci who is pulling her feet up against her back in another stretch. The trio are standing in a line. Kaci is the first to break the silence as they all stop and look, their position is in a middle of a dressing room where all the furniture has been pushed aside.]
Kaci: The reason we lost last week was because of one thing.
Crystal: I told you!
Kaci: I know, but tonight is such an important night in our careers that is an absolute must we do this!
Katrina: Alright I’m ready.
Crystal: Me too.
Kaci: Okay, assume the positions.
[The three stand together and bend down in poses, Crystal is the first to move.]
Crystal: Yo, I tell you what I want, what I really really want!
Katrina: So tell me what you want, what you really really want!
Kaci: I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I really really wanna zig a zag ahh!
[The trio then begin to dance the infamous dance of the Spice Girls’ hit song “Wannabe”.]
Kaci: If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.
Katrina: Make it last forever, friendship never ends!
Crystal: If you wannabe my lover, you have got to give!
Kaci: Taking is too easy, and that’s the way I feel!
Katrina: If you wannabe me my lover, make it last forever! Whoo!
[Kaci stops and the other two applaud themselves.]
Kaci: Yes, this is totally it!
[Elsewhere, Nyssa is standing in her wrestling attire next to Shane Rockford who is watching her get dressed. She seems angry at him, but he can’t tell through his stares. Nyssa finishes doing her up laces and closes the cleavage view.]
Nyssa: I can’t believe you let me do this.
Shane Rockford: You did have your hand on my-
Nyssa: I know but still! Don’t you have any self-control!
Shane Rockford: Hey! I gave you the damn match! It’s for the Rockford State Championship’s number one contendership! There are many more fish in the sea! You are not special!
Nyssa: What’s that supposed to mean?
Shane Rockford: You! You’re just using me for my power and my money!
[Nyssa looks upset and sparks on some crocodile tears.]
Shane Rockford: I’m sorry, come here.
[Nyssa races over to Shane for a hug as she continues crying, she then looks up at Shane and secretly smirks before going back to her sobbing. She’s devious.]
Renegade: Looks like she IS after him for his power and money.
Krysta Taylor: Obviously. Can’t you see? You men are so blind! There is no way a woman would take such an interest in you if it wasn’t for your money, they steal your credit cards and max the hell out of them!
Renegade: I have to make a few phone calls...
Krysta Taylor: What? Where are you going?
Rockford State Contendership
Renegade: I think Nyssa has really stepped in her own poop, she’s requested this match, and now she doesn’t want it!
Krysta Taylor: Nobody wants a match with Killer Kim! That’s career suicide, I mean, its suicide!
John Roe: The following contest is for the number one contendership of the Rockford State Championship and is scheduled for one fall…
["Bombtrack" by Rage Against The Machine blasts over the PA system as Nyssa enters to a large bang from two purple pyros placed next to the entrance to the arena, firing straight up in the air. She walks towards the ring, posing for the crowd as she goes. She enters the ring and gives the crowd a wave. She then sits on the top turnbuckle and awaits her opponent.]
John Roe: Introducing first, from Miami, Florida and at a weight of 120lbs. She is Miss Starlight...NYSSA!!!
[As her music hits she walks out surrounded by a bunch of men wearing spandex shorts and tank tops and she is wearing a rope. She walks to the ring with them leading the way and they open the ropes for her to get in the ring. She then extends her arms out and they take off her rope revealing her extremely muscular physique. The whole time due to her size these men appear to be intimidated and she then orders them to leave the ring and as they run she does a double bicep pose.]
John Roe: Her opponent. From San Diego, California, at a weight of 185lbs, the Amazon Goddess...KILLER KIM!!!
[Nyssa smiles as she looks at Kim who frowns at her with a vicious look. The referee calls for the bell and Kim lunges forward but Nyssa drops to the floor and sides under her large legs, she then dropkicks Kim from behind but that doesn’t phase the masculine diva as she turns around. Nyssa gets cocky by dancing. Killer Kim turns around and tries to grasp Miss Starlight again but the trainee nails a kick to the kneecap, followed by a jumping inside crescent kick, and then hits a leg sweep. The sound of Kim’s massive frame hitting the floor then echoes around the arena, Nyssa is quickly with her assault as she immediately begins to pound on Kim with boots to the chest and face. Kim is then tried to be pulled up by Nyssa but her strength is too powerful as she propels Nyssa into the ropes.]
[She catches Nyssa’s attempt of a cross body and raises her above her head. Nyssa manages to wriggle free and lands on her feet. Straight away she launches a foot into the lower regions of the Amazon which makes her buckle to her knees. The referee tries to tell her off but Nyssa is already hitting the ropes, she bounces back with a knee to the jaw which sends Kim backwards. Nyssa then pulls back on the ropes and executes a springboard moonsault leg drop to the throat of her larger adversary.]
Renegade: Wow! Nyssa’s beating Kim!
[Nyssa then tries to pin Kim but the Amazon rolls over and picks up Nyssa with her. She then drops Nyssa across her large knee in a backbreaker, she doesn’t stop there though as she then raises Nyssa above her head in a press slam and throws her over the top rope making her crash to the floor below. Kim then climbs through the ropes, she turns to face the ring and signals for an elbow drop. Nyssa is up though and punches Kim from behind, she then climbs in between her legs and tries to thrust the muscle machine down to the floor, she finally manages to do it as the smack between body and concrete is heard and the fans ‘ooh’. Nyssa then climbs to the apron herself, she then leaps off with an asai moonsault which connects to Kim. The stripper rolls back into the ring to regain her breath as Kim climbs to her feet.]
[Kim climbs onto the apron where Nyssa runs at her, Kim grabs her by the throat though and launches her up into the air and tosses her forward making her land on her back as Killer Kim climbs into the ring. Nyssa regains her feet, she then tries another aerial assault, she bounces onto the top rope and tries to plant a Hurricanrana but the mighty muscle machine is too powerful, she easily slams Nyssa down into a powerbomb. Kim then begins to pummel her with boots to various places, she picks Nyssa off the floor by her head and tosses her into the corner. Kim then goes to the opposite corner, she then launches off her position with an attempt running splash but Nyssa moves out of the way as the train of Kim slams into the turnbuckle. Nyssa then tries a roll up.]
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[Kim manages to roll backwards; Nyssa runs at her Kim scoops her up and spins her around on her shoulders before dropping backwards with a Samoan drop. Kim has had enough though as she slides under the bottom rope and yanks the chair from underneath John Roe. She enters the ring but the referee tries to stop her, she pushes him away and drops the chair on the floor. Nyssa then tries to counter Kim’s attack with a shot to the groin but that doesn’t faze the Amazon Goddess. Kim clutches her hair and climbs up each one of the turnbuckles, bringing Nyssa up with her. Kim then plants Nyssa on her shoulders into a powerbomb position; she launches Nyssa up and slams her down to the canvas in her finisher “Stairway to Hell”. Kim jumps off the turnbuckle and straight onto a cover. The referee counts.]
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[Kim gets off the cover and to her feet, she then right hands the referee as her music is then cut out. Kim picks up the chair, and places Nyssa wrist in it. She then grabs the two ends of the chair but before she can squeeze them together, from behind with another chair comes Yuku Shiro. Yuku then hits Kim over the head, and in the face numerous times before she can get her over the top rope and out of the ring. Yuku then helps up Nyssa.]
Renegade: Kim picked up the victory.
Krysta Taylor: It doesn’t look it. I think having a master helps sometime doesn’t it? If Yuku didn’t come to Nyssa’s aid, then she’d be nursing a broken arm right now.
Renegade: But still, Kim picked up the victory. I bet Katrina and Valeria are both hoping to lose now, have you seen how dominate Killer Kim is?
Krysta Taylor: I was sitting right here?
[Backstage a limousine is pulling into the Houston parking lot, from the mayhem traffic. The camera does it’s usual pan along the line of the limo until the reaches the door. It opens and two boots step out, followed by two heels, but one heel snaps she the weight is applied to it.]
Anna Nicole Smith: Damn it Howard! I broke my damn heel! What am I going do now?
[We pan upwards to see Anna Nicole, once again dressed as Marilyn Monroe and her big-nosed lawyer Howard Stern. The two walk from the limo, with Anna tilting to one side. The Fook Twins then approach with two microphones and their camera crew, Anna frowns.]
Anna Nicole Smith: Are we in Japan?
Fook Yu: Fook Yu.
Anna Nicole Smith: Well fuck you too!
Fook Yu: No! No! Fook Mi, Fook Yu, Dating Line Correspondents!
Howard Stern: They’re from some movie.
Anna Nicole Smith: Oh, what you want?
Fook Yu: Can we have interview?
[Suddenly another duo enters the scene with their own camera crew, it appears to be the Olsen Twins.]
Ashley Olsen: Anna! Can we have a few words?
Fook Yu: What you think your doing?
Mary-Kate Olsen: Trying to get an interview with the gorgeous Anna Nicole Smith for Rockstar Entertainments! You?
Fook Mi: We trying to get interview! Go away!
Anna Nicole Smith: I’m starting to feel dizzy…
Fook Yu: We exclusive to DU, you hookers!
Ashley Olsen: We’re virgins!
Anna Nicole Smith: Howard! I’m going to pass out!
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